The Recent Difficulties, and June Monthly Media Highlight.

Its been a very hard couple of weeks, some shit went down that I'm not going to talk about because its personal, but it hit very very hard, then my husband lost his job, now we have literally no money.

my birthday is coming up and all I can ask for is a hair cut. Things have just been down the tubes lately.

but hopefully with God's guidance and help he will show us the path because I can deff see him working in our life, we have been asking for a change... while this may not be how I wanted it to go, it's deff a change.

I just hope we can make it through things ok, it's scary... I do know God has a plan for us and I'm trying hard to trust in that, it's just still scary... and I'm trying very hard to deal with the disappointment of knowing we're not going to do anything this summer, its a big summer, my birthday is July 11th, Michael's is August 11th, our 1 year anniversary is August 25th, and then you have the 4th of July and every warm day to remind you, you can't go swimming or to a water park :\ 

I'm hoping though that we will finally get a paycheck from Michael's old boss that we have been waiting on for months soon and we can put that towards our anniversary, so at least we can go somewhere.

I was just so hoping to get Michael an iPhone for his birthday, birthdays mean a lot to me, and I wanted to be able to get him something.

and ya know I would be ok with my birthday sucking if I at least had some friends to spend it with.... but whatever happens, happens... you can only do so much. I'm just praying I can deal with it all just fine. Its just hard being cooped up every day.

But on a lighter note, me and my mom are trying out this new thing to lose weight, Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar, taking an 1/8th cup twice a day. Its a bitch, I hate it... but it has tons of testimonies to not only help weight loss, but to help stabilize blood sugars, help infections, help skin problems, some organ failure problems and many other things, so we thought we would give it a try, I pray it works.

I'm going to do a little of my monthly media highlight.

First I would like to mention Linkin Park's new cd, and talk about that a bit.

now when it comes to Linkin Park, they're like... my love, they have been my favorite for 5 or 6 years now, and I love everything they do, even when they started trying new things out. The new CD is good, but for me its a little generic, they have some splashes of old stuff in there and splashes of new, but nothing outstanding other then their new song BURN IT DOWN.

Which is a very good song, but the rest doesn't emanate them like there other stuff, the way i feel is if your song is playing on the radio and people can't automatically point it out to be you, then you have gone too astray from the path.

Nonetheless its still a good CD, enjoyable.

I'm sure I just need to listen to the CD more, but 3 times through and not much REALLY stands out. I just wanna see them making steps forward and not back, I fear that might happen and they could lose themselves and their fan base, because Minutes to Midnight was a stretch for them when it came out and I remember how upset a lot of people were, I loved the album, but from there, their stuff hasn't taken off like the rest.

Then again, its just my opinion.

Now... Movie time, I wanna take the chance to talk about Brave, the new Pixar film.

I went to go see it with my mother and it was fantastic, the animation was wonderful, and the plot was good, surprisingly no love interest, which you don't find that much, but still very adorable and great on the big screen. Mirda was beautifully done, her look, and voice and actions were gripping, and her father was the entertainment of the movie, deff brought laughs. and lets not forget her brothers... sooo adorable :) and her mother was the solid rock of the movie.

lol I do remember being in the theater and about 15 mins into the movie, thinking to myself... ya know...I don't even know what the movies is about, since most the main things they show in the trailer have like... already happened. lol kinda made me laugh, so the plot was a little unexpected, but i guess its good to go see a movie and not really know what its about until you watch it :p

overall it was a great movie, with it being Pixar I'm sure nobody expects less. I would say go see it in theaters!

Anyways its back to WoW for me :p  TaTa for now.

The Feelings of a Girl Who Gained Weight

I have recently aquired some new clothes. What a wonderful feeling it is to get new clothes, some new heels too. My only regret is that I am not a thinner person to wear such clothing, I dont pull things off anymore, I merely find things that don't make me look like a cow.
You can say its a harsh thing to say, but to me I was never one of those people who were meant to gain weight, you know some people gain weight and their face can pull it off, their features are wide set and don't look swallowed by fat, but can still stand out....but I do not see myself as one of these people, I see my old self swallowed by a fat suit that just won't go away.
Maybe you can relate, maybe you think I'm over dramatic, either way its how I feel... everytime I look in the mirror once I've gotten dressed up, I get excited thinking that I look great, then we go out and take pics, and when I see the pictures the only thing I can think is how I shouldn't be in front of a camera anymore...its hard to hear people still say I look beautiful, because to me I looked beautiful before so how can this be to the same effect?... they must only see a glimmer of who I once was.

I had started the Atkins diet around when I first started this blog a few months ago. and it was going well, I had a plan I knew what I had to do, I lost 10 pounds in the first 2 weeks, then the second 2 after that, did nothing, my blood sugars were out of control and I had to stop the diet, by then I was supposed to have another plan for a low carb diet, but nothing was laid out so I didn't know what to do or what to follow, and I spiralled back down.... I gained the weight back and for the past month I've been scared to get on the scale... I am terrified of hitting 200... and I'm terrified of never losing this baggage.
It's awful how much clothing I've grown out of, how much I wished I still could wear, its such a sinking feeling when 1/4th of your wardrobe doesn't fit the next year.

Of course I will keep on trying, but to tell you the truth I am completely overwhelmed, looking at all these different diets seeing all the testimonials, not knowing which one to try and then when I finally pick one, looking at it... well for me its like trying to do math, I cant understand it, my brain shuts down, I shut down... and I just try not to cry....
its nothing I'm proud of, I'm not proud of anything much at this point, especially myself, I'm completely ashamed that I let myself go this much and it tears at me every day.

It took a lot out of me to post something like this, I think to myself, well what if I get gudged, or what if people I know see this and realize how lame and pity-party-ish I've become.
and then a have to tell myself that this is the reason I created a blog, to express my feelings, even if they aren't always positive. Because we all have downsides, and if you dont express them, then how can people care for you, how can you let people in... I know some people close to my family who say they want to care and be there for me, but when I talk about anything going on in my life that isn't "positive" they ward it off, like im over-exaggerating, or lying, which to them, they think there trying to be positive and to not talk about bad things is like to not have bad things happen, but they're wrong... really its rude, it makes them seem like they don't care at all, and they don't want to care... because what kind of a person who says they care, only wants to hear about the good and not the bad? In my view... a very shallow weak person. If you really wanna be there for someone you have to put up with the shit, because everyone has baggage and problems... anyways enough of my ranting.

I will continue to keep posting photos of myself, only the good ones of course. Why you might ask, well because its what I do...and if I stop blogging and sharing my photos... then the world would never hear from me and I would be nothing.
On my new clothes, I have posted 2 posts below this one, of 2 events with some of my new clothes.

Hippie Hippie Shake Shake

Yesterday, my mothers church was heading out to one of the camps in the area for a picnic fun day... we didn't stay the whole time but Michael got a few nice snaps of my new shirt, its from Forever 21, just got it last week, and the pattern makes me look a bit thicker in pictures then in real life, but I still love the shirt, I have to fix it every so often, because it's a bit flouncy on tops to I have to make sure I'm not falling out of it or its riding up on my neck. But whateve. I also wore my new glittery bow sandals, they're a bit long, but that happens a lot with my wide, short feet, I still like them. Oh and can't forget my new black hippie hat :D

Let me know what you think.

Spontaneous Movie Outing

Went out a week and a half ago with my mother and Michael to Big Bear to go see Snow White and the Huntsman (which I'll be doing a review on at the end of this month) 

After we went and got coffee and The Copper Q, had some of their amazing homemade marshmallows and talked for awhile. I wore my new Maxi dress and new peach lace cover up from Forever 21.

It was nice to get out, wonderful evening, the weather was just right, I wish we did more but after the moving we were all pretty satisfied with how the day went, especially since it was a spontaneous adventure we embarked on after my doctors visit, and Michael was supposed to still be at work, so really if Michael hadn't taken off to come to the doctors office with me at the last minute it never would have happened... what a grand day :)

A Little May Photography

Some of my new photography from last month.

nothing really special just thought i would share. I was out taking pics for lookbook and ended up getting side tracked :p

hopefully ill be writing another blog post tomorrow, i have some new clothes i wanna show off.

anyways let me know what you think of the shots i posted!

Perm

So for quite a while now I've wanted to get a perm. I love volume and I've always loved curly hair.

I've been warned by it seems every hair stylist not to do it, because its permanent, and I'll have to wait for it to grow out if I don't like it, blah blah blah.

Personally, I feel like people who are scared to cut there hair, or dye it, or get a perm because it might not look good, just don't know what they want or don't have the balls to actually live life. I mean really? Hair can be dyed back, hair grows, its not the end of the world, really if you wanna cut your hair, stop being afraid and do it. You only live once, and you never know how long thats going to be, so why live in fear of "it not working out" or "looking good" and just live and do it.

You are never going to know what its going to look like until you actually try it.

But back to perms specifically, I don't want a tight perm, I was going to try and get a loose perm.

Its been on my mind for many months, and now I'm really getting an itch.

Every so often I get an itch to do something wild, and it needs to be scratched, like when I cut all my hair off, got a pixie cut and loved it, or when I went back and forth between black and red hair for like a year before just doing both, black in the front and red in the back, or when after that I bleached the back of my hair, grew out my bangs, and over the course of...was it 2 years? I did different colors to my hair. I think its all in my style throughout history page if your curious to see what I mean.

So yes, the itch, its here and I need to scratch it, I like my bob, and I would have kept it, but like I said for a few months I've wanted a perm so I started growing it out, and now its to this kinda gross length, that I'm having a hard time styling or doing anything with :\ 

The only problem is finding a place that can and will do a perm, (I live on a mountain so there isn't much nearby) and having an estimate of what kinda money were looking at spending here.

I have no clue if this is a $50 process or $150 process.

I am looking to do something like this I think

Maybe a little tighter, but I think I really like this.

but we will see what I am to get and work with it. 

My Monthly Media Highlight - May

Time for my first monthly media highlight.

This one is for May, I know it's a little late but I've been a bit out of the blogging mood.

But here it goes...

Songs of the month -

Somebody that I used to know - By - Gotye

Lights (Bassnectar Remix) - By - Ellie Goulding

Glad you came - By - The Wanted.

Artist of the Month -

Adele.

She is one truly amazing woman, so incredibly talented and full of soul. I'm sure many agree with me that she is very deserving of all the awards she has gotten thus far. I almost never get tired of listening to her work, but then again with all the buzz she gets, I'm sure thats not new news.

and then we come to the movies, seen a few this month and gotta say nothing compares to -

The Avengers.

Great movie, action packed, good plot and story line, and not too shabby on the acting. If anything is lacking, something else should make up for it. I left pretty satisfied with the overpriced ticket I had paid for. Yea ok its not some deep drama that deserves awards for having great acting but a boring plot line. Its an action movie, but its a Marvel movie...and I love marvel. I am a pretty big marvel comic fan, and so far the only marvel movie that I've seen that really disappointed me was spider man, because the casting was crappy and unbelievable and they kinda made you like the villains more :p

Anyways like I was saying, its an action movie, don't go watch it and come out complaining that the plot was weak and undeveloped because....its an action movie! 

If you don't like action movies don't watch it, if you do then rate it by action movie standards, and just enjoy the ride :)